The tabloids have decided that once again it is witch hunting season in Britain.
The press and media have been in outrage on the release of Gary Glitter ( aka Paul Gadd) from his three year holiday in Vietnam. Their initial outrage was rather strange, for the miscreant was doing his level best not to return to the UK, well aware of the moral outrage that was to greet him. Our media was shocked, how could we possibly lose the chance for him to return to the white cliffs of Blighty. What would the Sun and the Daily Mail do if ,every week from now to eternity, they didn’t have the opportunity to splash on their front pages “Glitter seen within 500 yards of an ice cream van” [these papers would never use the metric scale]. This stately Paedo had to be rescued for English heritage. Never have we been so bereft of a hate figure since the death of Myra Hindley.
Strangely Myra raised her head, also this week. Her picture featured in a video to promote the 2012 Olympics, well I see nothing wrong in this. Surely all British culture should be celebrated. 19 Gold medals for British Athletes, that doesn’t compare to the number of old grannies Harold Shipman got through – a true Olympian.
Anyway back to Mr Gadd. He is now on the sex offender’s register. If he goes near any 14 year old girls attempting to steal their maiden head he’ll be grabbed by the coppers. If the rest of Britain is like my town, he’ll be lucky to find a 14 year old who isn’t long past that stage of innocence. Our town is already regularly hit by stories of mass murders or paedophiles who have been moved secretly into the area. I soon expect to see the night sky lit up as the locals march down the main street with firebrands a lit in search of a local miscreant, recreating a scene from a Hammer Frankenstein film.
I presume there is something in human nature that requires us to be afraid and demonise people, even if they don’t deserve it. I’m more afraid of my neighbours, who will go out and persecute innocent people, purely on a rumour, than the murderers and abusers –simply because statistics prove these people are few and far between and you’ve got to be pretty unlucky to encounter them. My neighbours are within a short distance of me and I know there are plenty of them who would beat a stranger up or fire bomb their house purely on a story they hear in a local pub, after eight pints of old wallop.
So Gary is back with us, flaming faggot any one ?
Monday, 25 August 2008
Thursday, 14 August 2008
second rate gear !
JEREMY CLARKSON IS A BORE
Reading today that Jeremy’s mucker Richard Hammond has bought some baronial mansion up in Scotland. I now begin to worry about how much money the BBC is paying out to those three overgrown schoolboys who present “Top Gear”.
I must admit to finding any programme dedicated to cars, completely boring. I’m amazed that the TV stations competewith each other to cover the Grand Prix’s . They’re about as interesting as taking a picnic chair and parking it by the side of the M25. It always interests me how Formula One appeals to blokes who usually have no interest in any other sport. Anyway I digress.
Jeremy Clarkson is the worst type of loutish public schoolboy you could ever wish to meet, he is Jeremy Paman “Lite” . Paxo with the brain sucked out and an extra portion of gob. The type of man that if you met in a pub, would clear it in two minutes, an “Uber-bore”. He seems obsessed with cars and speed. Two things we could do with having a bit less of, not more. Top gear is like a “Songs of praise” for petrol heads. This sort of programme is a typical BBC mixed message. Spend half the time banging on about global warming, then produce a programme praising cars that can do 0-60 in five seconds and use a gallon every two miles. No suprise there though, we had weeks of worrying about Chinese human rights on the news, then a two week Olympic fest which the BBC have paid the totalitarian regime millions to screen. The invasion of Georgia doesn’t rate a mention compared with a British Kayaker winning silver. This morning the BBC announced the death of two Chinese hit by a bus load of Croatian athletes, sending their condolences to their families . Hey what about all the Tibetans killed or imprisoned , if you were going to feel sorry for anyoneover there. Anyway they were probably Chinese workers going off to their job of skinning dogs alive (wouldn’t Mr Clarkson approve of that activity)
Clarkson is a prize arsehole and I for one object to licence fees going to support him and his two muppet co-presenters. We nearly got rid of Hammond in that accident, if he had gone I believe the programme would have been knocked on the head ( I’d approve of that for Clarkson). My suggestion is, they pimp up a mini bus and all three presenters and the production crew get in and attempt the land speed record a la Donald Campbell. They next timewe will then see them is when they pop out of a tap in Preston
Reading today that Jeremy’s mucker Richard Hammond has bought some baronial mansion up in Scotland. I now begin to worry about how much money the BBC is paying out to those three overgrown schoolboys who present “Top Gear”.
I must admit to finding any programme dedicated to cars, completely boring. I’m amazed that the TV stations competewith each other to cover the Grand Prix’s . They’re about as interesting as taking a picnic chair and parking it by the side of the M25. It always interests me how Formula One appeals to blokes who usually have no interest in any other sport. Anyway I digress.
Jeremy Clarkson is the worst type of loutish public schoolboy you could ever wish to meet, he is Jeremy Paman “Lite” . Paxo with the brain sucked out and an extra portion of gob. The type of man that if you met in a pub, would clear it in two minutes, an “Uber-bore”. He seems obsessed with cars and speed. Two things we could do with having a bit less of, not more. Top gear is like a “Songs of praise” for petrol heads. This sort of programme is a typical BBC mixed message. Spend half the time banging on about global warming, then produce a programme praising cars that can do 0-60 in five seconds and use a gallon every two miles. No suprise there though, we had weeks of worrying about Chinese human rights on the news, then a two week Olympic fest which the BBC have paid the totalitarian regime millions to screen. The invasion of Georgia doesn’t rate a mention compared with a British Kayaker winning silver. This morning the BBC announced the death of two Chinese hit by a bus load of Croatian athletes, sending their condolences to their families . Hey what about all the Tibetans killed or imprisoned , if you were going to feel sorry for anyoneover there. Anyway they were probably Chinese workers going off to their job of skinning dogs alive (wouldn’t Mr Clarkson approve of that activity)
Clarkson is a prize arsehole and I for one object to licence fees going to support him and his two muppet co-presenters. We nearly got rid of Hammond in that accident, if he had gone I believe the programme would have been knocked on the head ( I’d approve of that for Clarkson). My suggestion is, they pimp up a mini bus and all three presenters and the production crew get in and attempt the land speed record a la Donald Campbell. They next timewe will then see them is when they pop out of a tap in Preston
Saturday, 9 August 2008
CREDIT CRUNCH
CREDIT CRUNCH
So much has been written about the credit crunch you’ll probably vomit if you have to read anymore. Cheer up it’s not as bad as you think.
You just have to change the narrow outlook that has been foisted on us by successive governments and the financial sector. The old adage that there is “no such thing as a free lunch” is as true today as it always has been.
Our free lunch was the housing price boom and we all gorged ourselves, as if it was a £4.99 Chinese banquet. This greed was encouraged by government, banks and especially the media. What Sunday paper didn’t revel in the articles “How much has your property risen in value ?”. TV programmes pushed property investment, improvement, Places in the sun. We even managed to export our madness to France , Spain and other quite dubious former Eastern Bloc states.
We were on a merry-go-round that was never going to stop. We, and the papers, ignored the price differential between average earnings and average house prices. Commodities ultimately only fetch what the consumer can afford. The banks helped this madness by tearing up the old rules of only lending a multiple of your salary, if you couldn’t afford it you could just self assess your earnings (ie Lie). Years ago you were expected to put down a deposit to show your commitment to saving. The 80’s brought along 110 percent mortgages were you could borrow the house price and some extra to fill it full of white goods , TVs etc. The banks didn’t care you were paying back over 25-30 years and they could always repossess your house , a no lose situation while prices rose.
It’s a sad thing that the lessons of history are never learnt. We all perpetuate the same mistakes in every generation, currently we seem to repeat them every 20 years or so. We now face banks who don’t want to lend at all. This is going to lead to the destruction of some very good companies, along with the no hopers. I am sorry to say, for those whose onlydinner conversation is the value of their properties, that house prices have a long way to fall. This, on the whole , should be welcomed, it will not effect the average person with a house because all prices will fall relatively, and a house is ultimately a place to live , not an investment. As for the people who have bough many properties, tough, investments go up and go down. I’m sure they’ll clamour for government compensation but if pensioners whose company scheme has been pilfered can’t get money it’s not the state’s job to compensate the greedy. Ultimately we’ll go back to a more sensibly priced market and then the circle can start again. Until then watch the new programme on Channel 4 “Repossession, Repossession”.
So much has been written about the credit crunch you’ll probably vomit if you have to read anymore. Cheer up it’s not as bad as you think.
You just have to change the narrow outlook that has been foisted on us by successive governments and the financial sector. The old adage that there is “no such thing as a free lunch” is as true today as it always has been.
Our free lunch was the housing price boom and we all gorged ourselves, as if it was a £4.99 Chinese banquet. This greed was encouraged by government, banks and especially the media. What Sunday paper didn’t revel in the articles “How much has your property risen in value ?”. TV programmes pushed property investment, improvement, Places in the sun. We even managed to export our madness to France , Spain and other quite dubious former Eastern Bloc states.
We were on a merry-go-round that was never going to stop. We, and the papers, ignored the price differential between average earnings and average house prices. Commodities ultimately only fetch what the consumer can afford. The banks helped this madness by tearing up the old rules of only lending a multiple of your salary, if you couldn’t afford it you could just self assess your earnings (ie Lie). Years ago you were expected to put down a deposit to show your commitment to saving. The 80’s brought along 110 percent mortgages were you could borrow the house price and some extra to fill it full of white goods , TVs etc. The banks didn’t care you were paying back over 25-30 years and they could always repossess your house , a no lose situation while prices rose.
It’s a sad thing that the lessons of history are never learnt. We all perpetuate the same mistakes in every generation, currently we seem to repeat them every 20 years or so. We now face banks who don’t want to lend at all. This is going to lead to the destruction of some very good companies, along with the no hopers. I am sorry to say, for those whose onlydinner conversation is the value of their properties, that house prices have a long way to fall. This, on the whole , should be welcomed, it will not effect the average person with a house because all prices will fall relatively, and a house is ultimately a place to live , not an investment. As for the people who have bough many properties, tough, investments go up and go down. I’m sure they’ll clamour for government compensation but if pensioners whose company scheme has been pilfered can’t get money it’s not the state’s job to compensate the greedy. Ultimately we’ll go back to a more sensibly priced market and then the circle can start again. Until then watch the new programme on Channel 4 “Repossession, Repossession”.
going for gold
HOORAY IT’S THE OLYMPICS
Day one of the Olympics and Great Britain is already into her stride to prove again that we are a plucky band of losers. What more can you expect from a nation that celebrates Dunkirk, a national defeat and the ferrying home of a defeated army by Fishing trawlers out of Brixham.
The spectacular opening showed what can be achieved if you suppress a few billion people. God how London must have been quaking. What crap will we present the World in four years time. Athletes standing on a bus waving sparklers from Asda. What new sports will Britain showcase in four years that will guarantee medals. The 10 km queuing event. That should guarantee a clean sweep of the medal tables. We’ll just have to introduce more posh events, as they are the only things we excel at. Clay pigeon shooting, equestrian and rowing seem to get us medals. Let’s add grouse shooting, croquet and real tennis. The events that Britain wins reflects the society we still live in. The only sports we can win in are ones that require oodles of old money or occasionally a pushy parent who already teaches the sport. Every year we go mad about Wimbledon but for the rest of the year you get outside manky public courts or private clubs where priority is given to entertaining everyone as long as they’re wealthy and over the age of 50.
What a crap country we are. Perhaps we can inspire our young athletes by changing the format of events. For instance in the hundred metres team relay instead of passing over a baton let's vary it, per leg. First leg pass over a knife, second a gun, final leg ,stolen mobile phone. How come with a high afro-caribbean element in our squad do we not win more medals, with the lure of all that bling you’d think they’d pull their fingers out. Perhaps that’s the success of our integrated British society all the black people now want to be as lardy arsed and crap at sports as the rest of us ! You need more motivation to succeed. I used to lob my dog’s turd’s over the fence in London, directly onto the local school sand pit. This was in Haringey which produced some of the best long jumpers in Britain. Those kids knew if they fell short in the event ,they were literally in the shit.
At least the Olympics unites the nation. You know that when a Scot or Welsh wins they will be part of the British family. When it’s the beleagued Prime minister he’s always referred to a Scot. Oh no when the going gets tough it’s all the Celt's fault. Scot as chancellor, Adam Smith on the twenty pound note. “We’re doomed Captain Mainwaring”. Hold on , there’s another sport for London, Caber tossing, perhaps Tony Blair (supposedly also Scottish) could come out of retirement, as he’s the biggest tosser I know.
Day one of the Olympics and Great Britain is already into her stride to prove again that we are a plucky band of losers. What more can you expect from a nation that celebrates Dunkirk, a national defeat and the ferrying home of a defeated army by Fishing trawlers out of Brixham.
The spectacular opening showed what can be achieved if you suppress a few billion people. God how London must have been quaking. What crap will we present the World in four years time. Athletes standing on a bus waving sparklers from Asda. What new sports will Britain showcase in four years that will guarantee medals. The 10 km queuing event. That should guarantee a clean sweep of the medal tables. We’ll just have to introduce more posh events, as they are the only things we excel at. Clay pigeon shooting, equestrian and rowing seem to get us medals. Let’s add grouse shooting, croquet and real tennis. The events that Britain wins reflects the society we still live in. The only sports we can win in are ones that require oodles of old money or occasionally a pushy parent who already teaches the sport. Every year we go mad about Wimbledon but for the rest of the year you get outside manky public courts or private clubs where priority is given to entertaining everyone as long as they’re wealthy and over the age of 50.
What a crap country we are. Perhaps we can inspire our young athletes by changing the format of events. For instance in the hundred metres team relay instead of passing over a baton let's vary it, per leg. First leg pass over a knife, second a gun, final leg ,stolen mobile phone. How come with a high afro-caribbean element in our squad do we not win more medals, with the lure of all that bling you’d think they’d pull their fingers out. Perhaps that’s the success of our integrated British society all the black people now want to be as lardy arsed and crap at sports as the rest of us ! You need more motivation to succeed. I used to lob my dog’s turd’s over the fence in London, directly onto the local school sand pit. This was in Haringey which produced some of the best long jumpers in Britain. Those kids knew if they fell short in the event ,they were literally in the shit.
At least the Olympics unites the nation. You know that when a Scot or Welsh wins they will be part of the British family. When it’s the beleagued Prime minister he’s always referred to a Scot. Oh no when the going gets tough it’s all the Celt's fault. Scot as chancellor, Adam Smith on the twenty pound note. “We’re doomed Captain Mainwaring”. Hold on , there’s another sport for London, Caber tossing, perhaps Tony Blair (supposedly also Scottish) could come out of retirement, as he’s the biggest tosser I know.
Thursday, 5 June 2008
SPEED
Our local town reverberates at night to the sound of youth in souped up Saxos driving round in the mistaken belief that they are on the Nerberg ring.
For years I was delighted when Summer came and the local kids drove round with windows down sharing their taste in drum and base with the local population. I received a filthy look from a blonde girlfriend of a driver who pulled up at a junction, only to see me start dancing to the tunes that were blaring out at 500 decibels. I have planned revenge for years and intend to buy an open top Morris Marina, wire up a radiogram in the back and cruise outside their houses playing Mantovani at 7.30 in the morning.
Anyway back to the boy racers at the start. I understand that cars are a necessity in a rural area for Yoof. Firstly it is a well known biological fact that teenagers use the ability to use their legs fairly soon after their 17th birthday. Furthermore rural areas are so boring , with a car they are able to travel to such big cities as Hereford and indulge in the cultural pursuits of a burger in Macdonalds or a visit to Blockbuster to rent Saw 26.
Sadly the youngsters only really ape their parents , in their worship of the car. For years the parents have been ferrying their little darlings around afraid that some child molester is going to kill their first born. The statistical fact that the chances of this are minute but the chances of your child being injured by a car are quite high seems not to register. Anyone who has to commute into a city or large town will tell you journeys are the quickest during school holidays
The car has also become a status symbol for adults and shows where you are on the achiever’s table of life. No matter how much they tax it and no matter how much petrol they use there are a group of people whose cars are there to tell you how important they are. Yes we all want to leave less of a carbon footprint as long as it doesn’t stop me driving my fuck off tank down the middle of the road and having my 2 long haul flight holidays per year, “because I’m worth it”. Interestingly the green lobby or the committed socialists in our area seem to be the worst offenders when it comes to the four by four mentality- probably because they need them for farm work in their 2.4 acre small holding.
A sad consequence of this youth car culture are quite a few of these cars leave the road, often leading to serious injury or worse At this point a deafening silence pervades. People who have complained about speeding say nothing for fear of seeming tasteless during some other family’s distress. The parents of the driver never seem to question what they could have done to prevent the incident. I find it hard to believe that the cars and insurance are not supplied by the parent in the first place. Platitudes like “everybody else buys their kids a car” are rolled out. Well thank God everyone doesn’t buy their kid a loaded gun, because with some youngsters it’s the equivalent.
The situation in rural areas in so bad that in North Somerset there are more car accidents in Yeovil than the whole of Bristol. The only way this situation can improve is if the means of destruction are removed from the children(by making them responsible for all the expenses of running a car) and most parents in this area will not do that. So nearly every week the local paper mentions a fatal car crash or bad injuries and no lessons are learned.
For years I was delighted when Summer came and the local kids drove round with windows down sharing their taste in drum and base with the local population. I received a filthy look from a blonde girlfriend of a driver who pulled up at a junction, only to see me start dancing to the tunes that were blaring out at 500 decibels. I have planned revenge for years and intend to buy an open top Morris Marina, wire up a radiogram in the back and cruise outside their houses playing Mantovani at 7.30 in the morning.
Anyway back to the boy racers at the start. I understand that cars are a necessity in a rural area for Yoof. Firstly it is a well known biological fact that teenagers use the ability to use their legs fairly soon after their 17th birthday. Furthermore rural areas are so boring , with a car they are able to travel to such big cities as Hereford and indulge in the cultural pursuits of a burger in Macdonalds or a visit to Blockbuster to rent Saw 26.
Sadly the youngsters only really ape their parents , in their worship of the car. For years the parents have been ferrying their little darlings around afraid that some child molester is going to kill their first born. The statistical fact that the chances of this are minute but the chances of your child being injured by a car are quite high seems not to register. Anyone who has to commute into a city or large town will tell you journeys are the quickest during school holidays
The car has also become a status symbol for adults and shows where you are on the achiever’s table of life. No matter how much they tax it and no matter how much petrol they use there are a group of people whose cars are there to tell you how important they are. Yes we all want to leave less of a carbon footprint as long as it doesn’t stop me driving my fuck off tank down the middle of the road and having my 2 long haul flight holidays per year, “because I’m worth it”. Interestingly the green lobby or the committed socialists in our area seem to be the worst offenders when it comes to the four by four mentality- probably because they need them for farm work in their 2.4 acre small holding.
A sad consequence of this youth car culture are quite a few of these cars leave the road, often leading to serious injury or worse At this point a deafening silence pervades. People who have complained about speeding say nothing for fear of seeming tasteless during some other family’s distress. The parents of the driver never seem to question what they could have done to prevent the incident. I find it hard to believe that the cars and insurance are not supplied by the parent in the first place. Platitudes like “everybody else buys their kids a car” are rolled out. Well thank God everyone doesn’t buy their kid a loaded gun, because with some youngsters it’s the equivalent.
The situation in rural areas in so bad that in North Somerset there are more car accidents in Yeovil than the whole of Bristol. The only way this situation can improve is if the means of destruction are removed from the children(by making them responsible for all the expenses of running a car) and most parents in this area will not do that. So nearly every week the local paper mentions a fatal car crash or bad injuries and no lessons are learned.
Monday, 2 June 2008
Bonfire of the Vanities
Our small border town has just finished the annual 10 days literary festival. An interesting event which brings the celebrity and literary world of London to a sheep field in Wales.
The whole event if analysed is shot through with contradictions and the reaction of the local populace is as contradictory as the event itself.
Firstly let me clarify what is meant by “local populace” as it is not an homogenous group. The true locals seem to embrace the festival with gusto, they set up stalls in their front gardens on the way to the festival site, selling everything from house plants, Welsh scones and car parts . It is highly reminiscent of trinket sellers outside an historical ruin in North Africa. It would only take a little Cajoling for them to employ their offspring to turn tricks for the punters
The second group of locals are the more recent refugees to the area. For this group the festival truly presents a bit of a problem. They aspire to being like the artists who appear at the festival, or the better class of people who attend. They have mimicked their big city bretheren but on the latters arrival ,are reminded that really, in this league, they don’t cut the mustard. The fact that they coin money in from the visitors doesn’t really compensate for the fact that their lives are mere shadows on the wall of the cave, to probably misquote Plato. This leads in blogs and soundbites in the papers that make the local population sound a pretty churlish lot. As if anyone in the sheep field cares !
Of course this lack of grace does cut both ways. Jeremy Clarkson wrote a delightful piece about the town in the Times. His comments on a local café goes as follows “we bought them an ice cream made from sheep’s milk. Nutritionally, they’d have been better off licking Arthur Scargill’s hair. We did at least run into the children’s author Georgia Byng, who took my youngest daughter’s mind off the shit sheep ice cream.”. If he ever revisits that premises I’m sure the ice cream made from sheep’s piss will be more to his liking.
The contradictions in the town are mirrored on the festival site, but with a much better class of person. It leaves you with the idea that you have walked into a world constructed by Times or Guardian readers. The most imposing site is the “Barclays Wealth Tent”. Surrounding the tent are billboards of literary figures, Virginia Woolf, Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker with one liner quotes from the authors on the subject of wealth. If only I’d known I’d have mocked up an extra two ,picturing Karl Marx “property is theft” and Jesus “it is easier for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven…”. Though the truth is, it’s easier for a rich man to enter the principality of Monaco.
To add to the surreal situation everyone walks round with bottles of two pound water, when it hasn’t stopped raining for four days. Half of Africa hasn't seen rain in years and where there's an unending supply the fools pay for it.Never mind within days the local locals had collected up the bottles and were selling the local rainwater for one pound alongside the car batteries
The whole event if analysed is shot through with contradictions and the reaction of the local populace is as contradictory as the event itself.
Firstly let me clarify what is meant by “local populace” as it is not an homogenous group. The true locals seem to embrace the festival with gusto, they set up stalls in their front gardens on the way to the festival site, selling everything from house plants, Welsh scones and car parts . It is highly reminiscent of trinket sellers outside an historical ruin in North Africa. It would only take a little Cajoling for them to employ their offspring to turn tricks for the punters
The second group of locals are the more recent refugees to the area. For this group the festival truly presents a bit of a problem. They aspire to being like the artists who appear at the festival, or the better class of people who attend. They have mimicked their big city bretheren but on the latters arrival ,are reminded that really, in this league, they don’t cut the mustard. The fact that they coin money in from the visitors doesn’t really compensate for the fact that their lives are mere shadows on the wall of the cave, to probably misquote Plato. This leads in blogs and soundbites in the papers that make the local population sound a pretty churlish lot. As if anyone in the sheep field cares !
Of course this lack of grace does cut both ways. Jeremy Clarkson wrote a delightful piece about the town in the Times. His comments on a local café goes as follows “we bought them an ice cream made from sheep’s milk. Nutritionally, they’d have been better off licking Arthur Scargill’s hair. We did at least run into the children’s author Georgia Byng, who took my youngest daughter’s mind off the shit sheep ice cream.”. If he ever revisits that premises I’m sure the ice cream made from sheep’s piss will be more to his liking.
The contradictions in the town are mirrored on the festival site, but with a much better class of person. It leaves you with the idea that you have walked into a world constructed by Times or Guardian readers. The most imposing site is the “Barclays Wealth Tent”. Surrounding the tent are billboards of literary figures, Virginia Woolf, Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker with one liner quotes from the authors on the subject of wealth. If only I’d known I’d have mocked up an extra two ,picturing Karl Marx “property is theft” and Jesus “it is easier for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven…”. Though the truth is, it’s easier for a rich man to enter the principality of Monaco.
To add to the surreal situation everyone walks round with bottles of two pound water, when it hasn’t stopped raining for four days. Half of Africa hasn't seen rain in years and where there's an unending supply the fools pay for it.Never mind within days the local locals had collected up the bottles and were selling the local rainwater for one pound alongside the car batteries
Thursday, 29 May 2008
Boost for Mid Wales tourism
The Welsh Assembly has announced that they are to open their first embassy in the Palestinian territories. The aim is to boost Muslim tourism to the Brecon Beacons area.
Asked about the democratic implications a Hamas spokesperson commented “we understand that the Welsh Assembly was only elected by around a quarter of the population but we believe in dialogue and hope democracy will eventually come to this territory”.
The aim is to establish tourism links between Wales and the Middle East region as a whole . There has been a successful town twinning running for the last twenty years between Merthyr Tydfil and Beirut bringing much needed relief to the Welsh valley Town.
States Rhodri Morgan “Wales has a proud record of terrorism. Cottage burning and dam sabotage are as much a part of our culture as Chicken madras with half and half. We think this link with Palestine and more importantly with international jihad could boost tourism numbers to Wales. We have plenty of outward bound centres in the National park these could easily be adapted to terrorist training camps. A Welsh pony is quite capable of carrying ten AK47’s and a few rocket launchers.”
Obviously these developments are not welcomed by the whole of the local tourist industry. An unnamed local publican said “these Muslims are hardly likely to increase my drinks sale and the presence of Afgahani terrorists could put many local drugs dealers, some of which are my family, out of a job”
A Dyfed Powys police spokesman stated “this is the thin edge of the wedge. Local town roads could be packed out at night with towel heads joy riding camels at speeds exceeding 10 mph.”
Plans are already afoot to turn old chapels into mosques and Welsh Weight watchers have already introduced a Ramadan Special offer.
Asked about the democratic implications a Hamas spokesperson commented “we understand that the Welsh Assembly was only elected by around a quarter of the population but we believe in dialogue and hope democracy will eventually come to this territory”.
The aim is to establish tourism links between Wales and the Middle East region as a whole . There has been a successful town twinning running for the last twenty years between Merthyr Tydfil and Beirut bringing much needed relief to the Welsh valley Town.
States Rhodri Morgan “Wales has a proud record of terrorism. Cottage burning and dam sabotage are as much a part of our culture as Chicken madras with half and half. We think this link with Palestine and more importantly with international jihad could boost tourism numbers to Wales. We have plenty of outward bound centres in the National park these could easily be adapted to terrorist training camps. A Welsh pony is quite capable of carrying ten AK47’s and a few rocket launchers.”
Obviously these developments are not welcomed by the whole of the local tourist industry. An unnamed local publican said “these Muslims are hardly likely to increase my drinks sale and the presence of Afgahani terrorists could put many local drugs dealers, some of which are my family, out of a job”
A Dyfed Powys police spokesman stated “this is the thin edge of the wedge. Local town roads could be packed out at night with towel heads joy riding camels at speeds exceeding 10 mph.”
Plans are already afoot to turn old chapels into mosques and Welsh Weight watchers have already introduced a Ramadan Special offer.
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